Hello Hopecompass community
I have a serious problem that I do not know how to talk to anyone about. I have read some of the articles here and I hope some people here might be able to help me out of this mess.
7 years ago I lived with my mom and two sisters in a neighborhood at Manhattan Beach before I got my admission and left for College.
There was this young woman that came to live in the neighborhood, rented a whole apartment to herself a stone’s throw from where I lived with my mom and two sisters. This lady should be in her late twenties at the time. She was really good looking with all the curves very well lined in the right places. I was just a teenager of 15. I don’t know how, but I instantly got attracted to her. I would think about her all day and many times I would offer to go do our grocery shopping, just so I could pass by her window or even meet her at the popular store in the neighborhood, as I was lucky enough to, a number of times. There were so many things different about her, she had no friends visiting, not even a cell phone, and so many other weird stuff that I was too naïve to notice.
I developed this heavy crush on her, so deep and strong that I was losing control of myself. And one day we came back from the store together. She talked to me like she had known me all along. Asked my age, an every other detail that girls normally asked of boys they liked. I was thrilled. I am a handsome guy, have always been, but then at that place and time I didn’t think she would be interested in me that way.
After talking excitedly about myself for God-knows-how-long, to which she listened with keen interest, I asked her then, about herself. She didn’t tell me much; her name is Mara (Her real name changed here for personal reasons) and she came from New Orleans, and just got a new job at the nearby health center. A nurse.
We parted and she asked me to come see her sometime. I promised her I would, so very excited for the invitation from a girl I was crushing my heart out for. I passed by her window many evenings after that and we had very friendly waves at each other, I was smiling from ear to ear. and so many evenings like that , for some weeks.
Then I got sick, really sick. I could not think of any other person but my nurse friend to talk to. It was as if she was already waiting for me . She had me checked out, temperature and stuff. Then said I was gonna wait over at her place and have some injections and drip. It was that serious.
I had my mom and sisters know I was going to see a friend and would not e coming home that night. They had no idea I wasn’t okay.
That night she served hamburger in a way I’d never had it before. And then she started treatment. She was exceptionally tender with me, the injections, drip and everything. I slept on her own bed. I could not remember everything but I knew that I opened my eyes to see her lying beside me half uncovered, and staring deeply at me.
She quickly drew up the covers over herself the moment she noticed I had woken up. I can’t describe the perfection of her beauty, nor the tender skin that shone like natural honey when it is exposed to early morning sun. I had crushed on her all along, but now, without knowing it, I desired her.
I thought of crushed ice, lime, and even ‘pig-face’ – the ugliest boy in our prep class. But the little beast under my shorts would not be threatened. She saw it, even as her hands held the cover to her chest her eyes rested there.
To save you the long story, we both tried to pretend it never happened, and I recovered, with her treatment. She got me medication from the health center to be taking at home.
About two months after, I had this strange dream of a woman lying on top of me and kissing me deeply. I could not see the face, but it evoked a high erotic tension in me, that I woke up with wetness in my pajamas.
Somehow, My relationship with Mara grew. My admiration for her grew with each passing day. I began to desire her more than I ever desired anything. It always got unbearably stronger each time I was with her. The image of her half-clad body on that night still hung on in my consciousness. Though I had not seen a woman naked as at then, the image had this effect on me that I had no words to describe.
One Friday night, I went to see her. We ate and told stories, late into the night. And she persuaded me to stay the night. I didn’t think twice before accepting. Anything that would keep me close to her was readily welcome.
We showered separately and I went to bed before her as I showered first. I knew when she left for the bathroom, and I was already far away to dreamland when the sound of her bedroom door opening woke me up. She had only towels around her. She did not ask me to look away. Instead her eyes took on a new expression in them, one I had not seen in a woman’s eyes before, as she advanced to the bed.
Something like the picture below
Mara sat down, and with a lot of grace got herself lying beside me and tucking herself under the big blanket, which was also covering me. I began to sweat, despite the murderously cold weather. I was having a warm feeling reaching up from my spine to my brain and spreading to the rest of my body.
Then she whispered my name. Instantly something hardened in my shorts and stuck its head up under the cover. She saw it, and the look in my eyes. I had read and watched romance series, but this was different, it had a supernatural force that so thickened the air that it could generate enough power to drive a dynamo. She reached out under the cover…
I woke up much later, a changed person. I had lost my virginity, to Mara. She had taken me, in the weirdest way ever, It was extra-ordinary sex, nothing normal about it. It was a night that I would never forget. I will spare you the details as they are quite too erotic. We had more and more nights like that, for another three months.
Then one certain night, she told me she was going to leave town, and she left. She did not tell me where she was going to, no matter how hard I pressed her. I had no address, no way to reach her. All I got, was that last kiss, before she said, “I am not leaving you, don’t worry..”
Since that time, I had never had a girlfriend, something always happened to break the relationship. Almost every night I see her in my dreams, having erotic moments. These always felt so real beyond the dream experience, often ending in ejaculations. At the beginning I thought this was going to stop, but see me here, after 7 years. It happens almost everyday. I remember those last words, and I get really scared.
I could not talk to anybody about this because I didn’t now how to. But this has come to far, and I know I really need help. I need to find a way to stop her from tormenting me. I have tried to search for solutions online, have tried many things all to no avail. Please help.
